Sometimes I feel like I’m getting too old to try new things. I know that sounds crazy. I never was one who likes change. I always had a difficult time embracing change. (You probably know this if you read my previous posts) I always wanted to be one of those people who could just roll with the punches. Sadly, I am not BUT I am working on it. For years now I have been wanting to get back into college. I did go back about 2 years ago but then life intervened and I couldn’t continue. I was supposed to go back just this fall and yet again another set back I started to think that maybe it’s just not meant for me to finish. I just keep having set back after set back. It sounds silly but I just feel so incomplete not having my bachelors degree. I’m so close yet so far.
In an effort to focus on myself that is a goal of mine. To once and for enroll and finish my degree. I was a History major with a minor in African American Studies. My goal once finishing undergrad was to go straight to grad school. The overall goal was to be a History professor. I know I know…may sound boring but that is the one subject on school I LOVED! I still do. I wanted to enlighten young minds. There is something about being on a college campus that gives me the feeling of possibility. As though ANYTHING is possible regardless of your age, finances or circumstances. You can be anything. Yes I know that sound so cheesy. What can I say I can be a little corny. 🙂 But I would be lying if said I didn’t feel that way.
Maybe that’s what I need to do. Maybe I should visit my old college again. I did that before a few years ago ( and blogged about it…shameless plug 🙂 ) and I had that feeling. I think I may do that. I want to finish and continue on. I know that being a professor is going to close to impossible. My grades in college were not the best. I focused a lot on the social aspect of it and not enough on the actual education aspect. I’ll have to retake classes but I think that is something that I am willing to do I’ve also thought about majoring in something completely different. But what that is I’m not sure. Something to consider.
I see so many people that are not what you would consider “traditional students” attending college continuing and finishing. I have to admit it inspires me. People twice my age getting their degrees and STARTING careers. I see them and smile. Why can’t I do that? But, then I see younger cousins who are just about to graduate high school and truly begin their lives and I get jealous. Then I get angry that I am jealous of them. It’s wrong to feel that way. In the end I’m happy and proud of them. I can’t be angry or jealous that it’s their turn to experience college.
I’m slowly learning that the journey I was on when I started college hasn’t really gone it’s changed and as I stated in the beginning of this post…I don’t care for change. But in an effort to focus on myself and get back to or maybe find the new me I better start accepting the change. I need that feeling of possibility back. Hmmmmmm………I think it may be time for a drive to the old alma mater or maybe a new one. Time to plan!
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