You are never lonely with God

These past few days have been tough. Loneliness sometimes takes over and I feel incredibly overwhelmed. I am struggling with this change…well is it really still considered change when you’ve been actually dealing with it for a year.

I said it before and I said it again I LOVE living in Philly…BUUUUUTTTT I miss my friends and family. One of my best friends actually lives in the same city but we barely see each other. She has not only her family but school and a very demanding job to tend to. So I understand why but I generally make friends really quickly and I haven’t really found a “friend” to pal around with. Don’t get me wrong I do enjoy my “me “time.I really do but every now and then I’d like to go to out to eat, have coffee see a movie with a friend. I know a HUGE part of the reason I am not is me. I haven’t exactly put myself out there.

I live in a major city and there is tons to do. I’m only in my early 30’s. There are happy hours, live music events, etc. There really is no reason why I have not found one person to hang out with. I’m just used to going to these things with someone. I remember when I was feeling like this a few months ago. I talked to a good friend of mine. She said something to me that stays with me to this day. She told me “Shiloh, you are on your own a lot and have so much time to yourself because for so long you put EVERYTHING else as a priority besides your relationship with God. Now, God wants your undivided attention.”

I believed her and I still do. Deep down I know I put my previous relationship and any and everything else before growing and building my relationship with God. I start and stop devotionals (I have a bunch), reading my Bible. I am working on being consistent but this walk with Christ is not easy. I still feel the ways of the world pulling  me back sometimes. These are things that are not as important as growing in the Lord  and I am ashamed to admit that it is much easier to dwell and put them in front of God. Just typing that makes me feel terrible. God has blessed me so much the least I could do is read and study his word. I’m not perfect. I’m a work in progress and I know God knows that. I have to remember that regardless of how lonely I feel God is always with me.

I’m going to keep trying. I pray that the Lord continues to work on me and the Holy Spirit guides me.

I do not want to sound ungrateful in any way. There are people who are dealing with FAR WORSE than me. I love and thank God for my blessing I’m just having a moment. I swear this is the last “woe is me” entry (for anyone who reads what I write) After this it’s positivity. I am just having a moment. I won’t dwell too much in it.

I know God has so much in store for me as long as I keep seeking him and I will. I know there will be other times and moments when I won’t feel so great but I will not let the devil win! With that being said I will end this entry on a note of positivity and one of my favorite scriptures ( so far…I’m still learning while reading the Bible)

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I hope everyone has a great day! Also….Happy MLK day! Let’s remember the amazing work this man did and his dream for our country!

Shiloh

What a difference a year makes…..

Tomorrow makes it exactly 1 year since my breakup with my ex. (See previous blog post Heartbreak,Change and Starting Over) Within a year I moved to a completely different city, started a new job and a new life. Not a real exciting one right now but new none the less.

We broke up in January ad I moved in with my best friend and her family. I have some AWESOME friends who are pretty much family. It was while I was living with them that I realized I needed a change. I needed a fresh start. I was pretty much over living in Harrisburg (Hbg). I was ready for some place new. I moved to Hbg in April of 2008, my ex and I started dating in June/July of 2008 so pretty much my ENTIRE time in Hbg was with him. It was time to go. COntinuing to live there was difficult.

I looked up jobs in one of my FAVORITE places PHILADELPHIA! I have ALWAYS loved this city. Always something to do (lots of free stuff), the history ( my weakness), its lively, fun, exciting I could go on and on. I applied to a few jobs and I was blessed with the one I currently have.

I moved to Philly in June. I lived with some family for a month and a half and then found my apartment in the Germantown area of Philly…one it’s most historical areas. I fell in love with it! I’ve been here for about 4 months.

If you would have asked me this time last year if I would believe I would be living and working in Philly I would not have believed it.

A lot of prayer, planning, and tears went into moving. I truly thank GOd for the blessings. He blessed me more than I deserve. Even when I found myself 95% of the time idolizing my breakup and focusing on him 5% of the time he still showed me he’s with me. I’ve been better with growing my relationship with him. I am still a work in progress but I have seen first hand what he can do with just the tiniest bit of faith.

In a year my eight year relationship ended with a person I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, I moved to a new city, have a new place to live and a new job, new church and am making new friends and some awesome memories. Now I will be honest the job is not the one I will be retiring from but it has been a blessing and for that I am grateful.

I’ve been a bit emotional. I still miss him. Sometimes I still can’t believe we don’t talk or see each other anymore. I plan to text him on his birthday this month. Whether he replies (positive or negative) or not I will try to not let it affect me.

I have to let him go and I am working on that. These past few months I have focused more on God and less on the breakup. I know that I should really put all my focus on the Lord.

I plan to make this year a memorable one. I have NO clue what the Lord has planned for me but knowing he will be there with me gives me GREAT comfort. Last year I realized I’m stronger than I think. I plan to use that strength this year.

I want to be open to new experiences, opportunities and blessings. I want to be open to love and I am sure while I growing in the Lord he will send me the man for me….when he knows I’m ready!

What a difference a year makes!